There is no doubt in my mind that the only constant in life is change. That being said, I have amazed myself at the amount of growth and change I've been through over the course of the last year. I realize that I'm a little late for a new years resolution and '08 assessment, but that isn't quite what this is all about. Well, maybe a little.
Some of you have seen me trotting about town in high heels, knee-high socks and skirts (well, that isn't too odd for me), sporting candy-apple red painted nails (that are actually long to boot!) and I'm sure that one of the reactions going through your mind has been "WTF?" There's been rumors going around that I'm finally tied down (and quite happily) as well as that I've joined an intramural volleyball team. They are not unfounded thoughts; they are true. I can't explain myself entirely, at least not right now, but maybe an analysis of this last year can shed light on things.
2008 was a great year that was filled with trials and tribulations, the cementing of new friendships as well as drifting apart from others, a much anticipated graduation, work, world travels (Southeast Asia, Central America [twice], across the U.S....), admission into graduate school, the loss of family members, and the ever daunting task of moving out of the state. Somewhere amidst all of this busyness I was able to ground myself as I discovered who I am, what I am capable of and how I deserve to be treated. I became rooted in Spiritual Eco-Feminist ideas and found strength as well as new perspectives on life. Many saw me as the same free flowing hippie liberal that I had lost sight of years ago: wearing the bright colors that I attribute to Mexico, speaking on Buddhist philosophy and energy cycling, hiking, swimming daily, being as close to nature as possible, holding Solstice gatherings, going to FSC, among other things.
I've let some people go from my life without putting up much of a fight. Being who I am, I've always enjoyed keeping exes as friends to maintain the peace (and the occasional open relationship) but recently these (ex)lovers have slipped through my fingers. One in particular, whom I defended numerous times and cared for dearly, told his last lie to me and helped me to realize that I deserve a better friend than that. Others, surely I dropped the ball with them and for reasons they will not divulge have decided it best not to speak with me. This is all okay.
There is someone in my life now who has shown me what it means 'to love'. It blows my mind when I think about it. I enjoyed the ethical slut lifestyle for some time, there's no denying that. Now that I'm in this relationship, however, it surprises me how satisfying and real it feels. Mutual respect, acceptance, affection, ample communication, appreciation, understanding and of course history has made this relationship successful thus far. Reciprocity is a great thing. Although the "relationship status" is new, this friendship has endured and evolved over the years to become what it is now. I am so blessed to have Matt in my life.
I consider myself to be a feminist. I'm a non-make up wearing, hiking gear toting, ass-kicking, name-taking, solo-world traveling, equal pay/equal rights kinda gal. He likes high heels and painted nails- you know, the type of thing I've been "anti" for some time, feminine stuff. I'm not gonna lie, I wore/did these things for him... and I kind of liked it. So now I'm a non-make up, high heels, knee highs, skirt and painted nails wearing, ass-kicking, name-taking, solo-world traveling equal pay/equal rights kinda gal. Is that so wrong? I think not. If there's one thing I'm learning from my Women Studies graduate courses is that everything is contextual. Just because I enjoy being feminine (I have a particular fondness of wearing semi-professional clothing) from time to time does not change the fact that I'm a feminist.
On that note, my thesis topic is shaping up rather well. I'm focusing more heavily on Gender and Development with specific regard to women's collective action, what is it, to what extent are development organizations incorporating these grassroots movements and why. That isn't really my thesis but it's the general idea. My advisor, Risa Whitson, is a wonderful person and I'm really fortunate to have her as a mentor. She and a couple of others are convincing me that I ought to be looking into PhD programs. I never thought I'd be that person but I am seriously considering such a prospect in my future. With another year of grad school ahead of me I need to think about what I want to do with myself and the protective cocoon of academe sounds awfully tempting in a time of economic turmoil. We'll see what happens with all of that, it would be neat though, no? Dr. Marina Islas, I like the ring of that.
This girl here is a pretty healthy individual, especially lately. Sure, I quit the vegetarian thing in '07 but I've been pretty keen on keeping a healthy diet and exercising, or at least I was good on exerce until Fall of last year. Not that I became grotesque or out of shape, I was still riding my bike to and from class, around town and also going hiking at the time. Still, I recognized that I have a great new exercise facility at my disposal free of charge here on campus and dammit I need to make use of it. So I'm back into a nice routine of going to the gym every other day. I've also joined an intramural volleyball team with my colleagues in my department. We begin on Friday and I'm really looking forward to it, even though I haven't played volleyball since high school gym class (shit that was ten years ago).
A lot of change has taken place and it continues on a daily basis in my life. That's the beauty of it all, I think. An open mind leaves room for improvement. I certainly hope the changes I've made and will make in the future improve my life and affects those around me postively. There is no resolution to be made this year. I know that whatever struggles I encounter will make me stronger and all the joys will be greatly appreciated.
If only I could work on the procrastination thing... oh well, one day at a time.
Cheers!
[[Wine of the evening: Orleans Hill organic 2007 Lodi Syrah]]
