Rather, a call for open arms.
There was a time that I felt threatened by most other women. Girls. I was a girl then. I never would have dreamed that these rivals would someday turn out to be my greatest blessings.
But that's a different story entirely.
I am reminded this evening, by my dear friends, how important it is to have a network of strong women in my life. For support, encouragement, acceptance, love... you know, that stuff that as humans we all need. This reminder has prompted me to write tonight.
After an evening filled with laughter an acceptance I came home feeling good. Over the last few days I have been feeling so much lighter and at ease. I'm truly thankful to the women, and men, in my life who have helped to make this so. Holiday drama aside, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately. As my thesis progresses and my graduation date draws near many have posed the same question to me: What will you do when you have your Master's degree?
For the longest time I had a laundry list of possibilities but never gave deep consideration to any of them. What can I say, I'm indecisive. Also, I always have felt that when the time came I would know in my heart of hearts that __________ was what I wanted to do. It just hasn't been that time yet.
Call me sentimental.
Now, I'm not saying I've simply sat back and have left everything up to fate. I still believe in my own ability to have a say in what my fate shall be. I've been perusing the internet in search of jobs in social justice work in the U.S. and internationally, as a professor at a community college, positions with the UN and elsewhere... yet nothing has really struck me.
Earlier I came across this quote by Rumi and decided to share it via our favorite social networking site:
Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.
As I experienced the bonding and support shared by my cohorts this evening I remembered.I remembered that feeling I had when I came home from Nicaragua. That desire to do something good in the world. The experience I had while volunteering was glorious and it made me see the importance of participating in social action.
When I returned home I found a letter in my inbox. It was a general cross-posting to a Feminist Geography listserve that I belong to- it was a solicitation (if you will) for a relatively new PhD program in Pennsylvania. The focus of this particular program is Globalization, Sustainability and Social Justice. Hm.. you have my interest.
After reading up on the description of the program I was still intrigued and looked through the list of Faculty.
As I read through the interests of one professor: ...feminist and critical race studies, social action research, community organizing by the poor, social change and the role of academics play... My heart kind of did something. I'd liken it to a tug.
Maybe this is the peanut butter talking... I want to go on for my PhD.
It sounds crazy, I know.
This program may not be the one for me but it has me thinking. I need to look into this further. Maybe I'm too late in the game or maybe this is the right time. Either way, I'm going to pursue this for now because it feels right.
I'm hoping to have another meeting with my advisor in the next week and ojala que she will have good advice for me. Risa has been so helpful and encouraging this last year. I think that if she hadn't been around I wouldn't have had as great of an experience with this academic process as I have had so far.
I'm not going to lie, this has me scared. Excited. But ultimately scared. As E put it, "The possibility of dreams can be terrifying." She's more spot on than I care to admit.
I end this evening with arms outstretched.
It's been a blessed day (and night).
